Posted 20 hours ago

Love Warrior

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I want my clients to read this story because too often they feel alone and their struggle is made harder by the fact that they judge themselves for what they’re going through. At the heart of this story is the insistence that we don't have to settle we can explore our shadows, and we re not just going to survive it, but we re going to come out the other side a whole new person with new love, new hope, new strength, and maybe even a new marriage. Then, three kids later, she discovers her husband is wrestling his own addictions: to pornography and sex with strangers.

No one glances at me to check if I’m wondering why my boyfriend needs condoms for a trip he’s taking without me. It’s ironic that the time in our lives when we need our support the most, we tend to abandon ourselves. I leave the cups underneath my bed, and their stench is a constant reminder to all of us that I’m not better.She berates her husband for being a porn addict but fails to see until much much later that she is not a nice person either, her addictions in this case happen to be food and drama. When she's dressed, we take turns leaning over and kissing her cheeks while she kicks and giggles — her arms jutting straight out from her sides like a starfish. My passenger seat is pushed up farther than my dad's seat, so all of me feels huge and thrust too far forward.

My friends and I handle this by agreeing publicly that the girl who accused Joe of rape was drunk, stupid, jealous, and lying. This was like someone climbed into my head and said everything I knew and felt but have had the words, intellect and time to say and speak. It’s about how our ideals of femininity and masculinity can make it impossible for a woman and a man to actually know each other. Also: I felt bad for her kids, particularly in several passages in which she’s very blunt in her feelings about their father. So every morning before I walk into high school I tell myself, Just hold your breath 'til you get home.

Love Warrior is the story of one marriage, but it is also the story of the healing that is possible for any of us when we refuse to settle for good enough and begin to face pain and love head-on. My dress is too tight around my waist and I'm wearing fake eyelashes, a rhinestone tiara, and heels like stilts. It was Painfully true and so scary because I felt every word because it’s my story too as it must be for many others. I picked up Glennon Doyle Melton’s memoir, Love Warrior, from my library because I wanted to learn about other women.

Glennon lifts the roof off her whole house — her whole life — and examines everything, right out in the open. There are no unspoken social rules we’re supposed to adhere to, and as the relief of this sets in I feel my muscles relaxing, my shoulders dropping, my inhalations deepening. As Melton shares her unedited inner thoughts, we recognize them as our own---except, this woman with a really messed up history sounds a lot smarter than us. My passenger seat is pushed up farther than my dad’s seat, so all of me feels huge and thrust too far forward. As we climb the popcorn-littered stairs, the drum of the marching band fills my chest, the smell of hot dogs fills my lungs, and the roar of the crowd fills my head.The water is only inches deep now and my thighs are spread out wide and huge and I wonder, Is there another girl in the world this massive? When the toxin levels rose too high, the canary stopped singing, and this silence was the miners’ signal to flee the mine. One helpful aspect is Melton’s analysis of how addictions and other unhealthy behaviors are often means of hiding and self-protection. I’m torn because while there are so many thoughtful, penetrating conversations we can have about this book, it ends with a church, and claims about God, his Word, man, and the gospel. Everything I’d learned about bodies, womanhood, power, and pain scattered upon hearing how my little girl said the word big.

You are the storm that’s going to sweep through people’s neighborhoods and knock over a bunch of lies and myths and imprisoning structures built out of centuries of women’s silence.

In the first 20 pages of the book, Glennon Doyle Melton describes how her then-high school boyfriend was accused of rape by another classmate. The Eagles play on his plastic boom box and the first few notes of “Hotel California” make me feel hollow and afraid. And while she mentions bleaching her hair as one of her pathetic attempts to follow the “hidden rules” of society so that she can appear sexy, I notice in her latest Facebook update that she is now a blonde again. When I’m fully armored, I head to the basement and stay up late with the boys and sleep in with the boys and I beat them in drinking contests and out-cocaine them line for line.

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