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Essays In Love

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These critical essays bring together prominent scholars in the social sciences to consider the diverse nature of the legacy of Pierre Bourdieu in contemporary social theory. Her lie was symptomatic of a certain pride she took in mocking the romantic, in being unsentimental, matter-of-fact, stoic; yet at heart she was the opposite: idealistic, dreamy, giving, and deeply attached to everything she liked verbally to dismiss as "mushy. If someone were to fall for me, wouldn’t they be agreeing to put up with those red flags, and then doesn’t that make them a questionable person? What’s difficult is to reconcile these two warring sides inside my head–one which says I shouldn’t have love and another that stubbornly insists I should. Alain De Botton encapsulates his many experiences in love in one relationship between a 'fictional' man and woman.

In the oasis complex, the thirsty man images he sees water, palm trees, and shade not because he has evidence for the belief, but because he has a need for it.

There’s an essay on how uncomfortable it can be to disagree with a lover’s taste in shoes and a lengthy discussion about the role of guilt in love. It may be a sign that two people have stopped loving one another (or at least stopped wishing to make the effort that constitutes ninety per cent of love) when they are no longer able to spin differences into jokes.

That’s generally a result of one of the partners thinking the other isn’t good enough for them (because that partner thinks the other associates with “no-good” people including themselves. We can only be somewhat shocked-how can they be as wonderful as we had hoped when they have the bad taste to approve of someone like us? Our selves could be compared to an amoeba, whose outer walls are elastic, and therefore adapt to the environment. There’s less of a chance to make a fool of yourself (or at least be aware of how foolish you sound) because you didn’t intend on furthering that relationship anyway.I love you for who you are deep in your soul, not for the colour of your eyes or the length of your legs or the size of your chequebook. It’s still so difficult to be assertive though and stress-eating in my room while contemplating the horrendous state of my life just feels like the easier option. We easily equate intimacy with a license — we care out of good intentions, we become judgmental of the false notes the other party shows, and ultimately, rosy beginnings end bloody. The book has attracted a particular following among those who have recently fallen in love ­- or come out of a relationship. Through the ordinary story of two young people, who met on an airplane from Paris to London and fell in love soon after, De Botton went into extraordinary depth in analysing the nuances, the emotional swings, the sweet and sour we all identify in a relationship.

There is usually a Marxist moment in every relationship, the moment when it becomes clear that love is reciprocated. However, when I’m acutely aware that the other person is supermegafoxyawesomehot, then I immediately take on the burden of feeling boring and tedious.Nevertheless I enjoyed the book, I think the fruit of it's use will become more apparent when I next have a relationship, it's certainly a book that stays with you. I am generally quite good with silences–as in, I don’t mind just sitting or walking in silence with someone.

I oscillate a lot between the two until I come to a sort of acceptance that nothing will ever happen and kind of sort of move on–which is, indeed, what happens to the narrator.

I am more than aware of the numerous red flags that stick out of my back and I’m certain there are more that I’m not even conscious of. Alain de Botton is the author of Essays in Love (1993), The Romantic Movement (1994), Kiss and Tell (1995), How Proust can Change your Life (1997), The Consolations of Philosophy (2000) The Art of Travel (2002), Status Anxiety (2004) and most recently, The Architecture of Happiness (2006).

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